


Let Yourself Be Loved

by theForsakenJedi69



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Luffy, Mentioned Sabo, Self-Hatred, Sorry Im bad at angst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 11:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13612086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theForsakenJedi69/pseuds/theForsakenJedi69
Summary: Ace had thought about killing himself thousands of times in his life. He suffered through his own self hatred every day, wondering when someone would finally defeat the devil’s child and release him from the plague of life.Until he met Whitebeard and Marco.





	Let Yourself Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I love shipping these two! Sorry if this sucks, I don't know how to write angst. Hope you enjoy!

 

Ace had thought about killing himself thousands of times in his life. When he found out who his father was, when everyone called him a monster, when he was alone, when Sabo died. Thousands of times he wished he could just stop existing, end it all, stop the pain and misery. If he couldn’t be happy, he would find peace instead. He had tried a couple of times but Luffy’s face always came to mind when he did. He suffered through his own self hatred every day, wondering when someone would finally defeat the devil’s child and release him from the plague of life. 

 

When he met the Whitebeard pirates he refused to joins them, knowing that under the protection of Whitebeard that his chances of dying in battle were close to zero. He didn’t want to join a family, he didn’t want to lose any more brothers in this lifetime. Yet, Marco’s words gave him hope of a life with a future. He made Ace look forward and wish to see tomorrow. But depression and self loathing doesn’t disappear so easily sadly.

 

Even after being promoted to the second division commander, he always heard a voice in the back of his mind telling him he didn’t deserve it. That if they only knew he was the son of a… They would never accept him. 

 

Almost every night, at the same time just like clockwork, Ace would let his depression come through and he would cry into his pillow. The pain was crushing in his chest, the guilt suffocating, the scars bleeding all over again. He had nightmares of the people who called him a monster, their faces distorting and becoming those of his brothers. The worst part coming from the men who brought light to his life, Luffy, Pops and...Marco. He would wake in a cold sweat, his heart in his throat, tear in his eyes. This was the cycle Ace had grown to know ever since he put Whitebeard’s jolly roger on his back.

 

The only one on the crew to get close to breaking Ace’s walls was MArco. The blonde commander had been there since day one, and worried over Acce endlessly, scolded him for his pranks, and healed his wounds. Marco took care of him but never asked too many questions, though Ace could tell he wanted to. He wanted to tell Marco, really he did but he just couldn’t open himself up to anyone. He kept himself and his pain locked behind a steel door that he refused to open.

 

One day when Ace had woken in his rooms like usual, cleaned himself up, and opened his door to find Izou at his door with a wide smile. Ace looked confused until Izou spoke.

“Happy Birthday!!” Izou cheered loud.  _ Oh god.. I forgot about my birthday. _ Ace thought to himself and groaned internally. Ace didn’t like people celebrating his birthday, it made him uncomfortable to celebrate the day he was born when all he wanted to do was die. Ace forced a smile at his brother as he walked to the mess hall, dreading the coming day. When he entered the dining area he was greeted with smiles and cheers for his birthday, Thatch had made all of his favorite dishes, and Ace smiled at his loving family. He felt guilt crawl up his mind, but brushed it off and decided to try and enjoy this day for once. 

 

The day was wild and fun, drinking, singing, games, pranks. It was truly crazy. Ace felt his chest fill with the warmth of the love his family gave him. Everytime his depression or guilt cept up, Ace threw back another bottle of ale, until he was completely wasted. He stumbled around, singing and laughing with the rowdy crew. He remembered doing the tango with Marco on dare, feeling the searing heat of the phoenix being pressed closed to him, blue eyes sparkles like stars as if there was a galaxy hidden in them. Marco’s smile warming Ace’s heart making him feel as though he was flying.

 

Even though this party was for Ace, he was lost in the huge crew and was hardly missed when he and Marco stumbled to a railing, laughing the whole while. They enjoyed the ocean breeze and the sea mist off the Grand Line. They just sat in comfortable silence, the noise of the crew in the background. Ace was staring at the dark horizon when Marco spoke.

 

“Happy Birthday Ace.” Ace turned to see Marco looking at him fondly, his eyes softening. Ace felt his heart fill to the brim with something he couldn’t name. He opened his mouth to respond, only to see Marco’s face fall to one of confusion.  _ Oh no. _ Ace hadn’t realised what time it was and his heart sank. Tears streamed down his face and he attempted to rub them away as panic set in. _ No, no, no, no! This wasn’t supposed to happen. _ Usually Ace was in bed by this time, crying himself to sleep but now he was crying on the deck of Moby Dick, right in front of Marco.  _ Oh god fuck, no!  _ His thoughts raced, his breathing becoming fast and strained. _ I’m hyperventilating oh god.  _ Fear and panic setting in, depression like a monster weighing down his body, guilt gripping his heart, and traumatic memories blurring his vision. 

 

Suddenly his hands were ripped from his face, his eyes red and wet. Marco’s face filled with concern and he pulled Ace to him, embracing him tightly, shielding his face from the view of any curious crew members. This gesture just made Ace begin to sob into Marco’s chest, clinging to his like he was the last thing in the world. Marco held on tight, rubbing Ace’s back, never speaking, never asking questions. When Ace had begun to calm down Marco took him back to his room, sitting on the bed with him. Ace couldn’t remember much of what happened after that, being as drunk as he was but he knew that he cried all night and he remembers hearing Marco’s voice before falling to sleep.

 

Ace woke up and for the first time in years, he wasn’t awoken by the terrifying nightmares that made sleep dreadful. Instead he awoke to warmth, wrapped around him like a blanket. He relished in the feeling, never wanting to leave. Well until he realised that warmth was breathing, and was a person. More specifically, Marco.  _ Marco?! Why is he here?!  _ Ace could feel himself blush and then felt his heart sank as he remembered last night, crying, clinging.  _ Oh god!!! Marco saw me cry!! Damnit damnit damnit!!!  _ His self loathing and guilt crawling up his throat until Marco’s arms pulled him in tighter. Ace looked up to see Marco with an adoring smile on his features.

 

“Ace, let yourself be loved.”

 

Ace’s eyes blew open wide as Marco’s words had once again broken all of Ace’s doubts, crashing through his walls like they were made of paper. Tears welled up in his eyes, words caught in his throat, his heart bursting with that mysterious feeling once again.  _ Oh, this is what love feels like. _ Ace thought as he sobbed away all of his pain, and heartache, giving Marco all of him. Bare, vulnerable, but finally,  _ finally _ happy.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry its so short, but it felt right. God Ace, don't worry we love you!!  
> Hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to leave a comment and a kudos!  
> More One Piece fics on my page!


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